Imagine yourself sitting at your office desk. You have been with this company for almost a decade, and for the most part, you enjoy your job. Of course, it has its moments. Yet, you are comfortable with your role in the department and your coworkers are a very close knit group. They remember your birthday, and they were very helpful when you had a medical issue last year.
The phone rings and its Tammy. She is your manager’s supervisor. Tammy wants you to come to her office, which is a frequent occurrence. Often, she will call and ask you to come for a quick doughnut and coffee as she asks about your thoughts, or struggles related to your job. This is a part of her department wide initiative to connect with all employees and learn about ground floor ideas. She is a great boss, and also a dear friend. However, you notice her voice inflection on the phone, and it appears that something is not quite right. Once you arrive, her facial expression confirms your fears. You take a seat, and she explains. “We have a real problem. The Administration has made some really poor decisions that have blown up in our face. As a result, we are in a financial crisis and our only choice is to lay you off. We may be able to bring you back in a few weeks, but for right now, we do not have any other options.” Out of concern for your coworkers, you ask if others are being laid off as well. Tammy confides in you. “Please don’t tell anyone, but I have to do this again with Tom later today.” Your head drops in disbelief. Tom is the man that hired you, and has been your manager for the last nine and a half years. He came to the hospital three or four times last year when you had pneumonia. Tom, and the others in your department, are more than your co-workers. They are a big part of your support system. After shedding some mutual tears with Tammy, signing the required paperwork, and having the “I’ll give you a great reference” conversation, you begin to walk back to your desk and pack your belongings. Of course, you are worried about your financial security. Yet, you are also realizing that you will not see your coworkers as frequently. This is such a horrible horrible day.
Several months pass, and the severance package is dwindling down. You have not heard from Tammy. Hopes of being called back are fading. Unexpectedly, you receive a call from one of the companies to whom you reluctantly sent a resume and went to an interview. They want to offer you the job. It’s not what you want, and you know that your former coworkers will not be there. Yet, you accept the job because there are not any other choices. The only positive in this entire situation is the person who called. It was Tom. He had been hired by this new company as one of two Vice Presidents, and his recommendation is what secured your new position. Prior to Tom’s arrival, the company was functioning very poorly. Previously secure customers were moving to the competition. Tom replaced the former Vice President who was fired due to his inability to provide effective leadership by micromanaging rather than fostering confidence in his employees. The President hopes that Tom can turn things around.
Your first day on the job arrives, and you try to be excited about the new opportunity. It is a larger company, and the opportunity for advancement is well acknowledged. When you walk in, Tom greets you with a smile, and escorts you back to your new work space. It’s so refreshing to know at least one person. As you walk with him, you notice all the other employees who seem to be sizing you up. Some of them will be under your supervision, and they applied for the same job that you did. Their animosity is apparent.
Over the next few weeks, you try to develop a relationship with your coworkers, and your supervisees, as you rekindle your professional and personal relationship with Tom. The stress level is much higher at this new company, and the camaraderie among the co-workers is just not the same. The other Vice President, Susan, has been with the company for many years. The former Vice President, who Tom replaced, also tried to micromanage her. She is determined that Tom will not get an upper hand. The President spends most of his time on a yacht in the Virgin Islands. As a result, the two Vice Presidents constantly jockey for position of authority in the company. During Tom’s pre-employment interviews with the President, Tom understood that he was responsible to secure all current customers, and develop an atmosphere which facilitates teamwork and camaraderie, much like you enjoyed at your former place of employment. Therefore, Tom believes he has the power to direct the day to day activities in the company while the President is away. Likewise, Susan believes she has authority based on her longevity with the company. Even in your middle management meetings with other department heads, the competition for superiority is a constant discomfort and struggle. Since each Vice President communicates authority to his or her supervisees, the other middle managers honestly believe they are acting with approved authority. You are likewise confused. Every once in a while, Susan comes to you and tells you to do something that completely contradicts what Tom said. It is so frustrating.
You often just sit and reminisce about the days at your former company. Every couple of weeks, you see Tammy and other former coworkers at the grocery store, at Church, or some other public place. But, it’s not the same. You can’t stay as intimately involved with them as you did before. You miss their camaraderie, and the chaos of your current job is a constant reminder that things have defiantly changed. Even Tom has changed. His stress is so high that he frequently snaps at his supervisees, and they don’t like him at all. In fact, your opinion of him is slowly changing as well.
This is a difficult story. Yet, it is very similar to the experience that children have when they move into a newly blended family. Through divorce, children lose the privilege to live in an intact family because the “Administration” or parents made some poor decisions. After being “laid off” or separated from one parent, Children almost always hope and believe that the Administration of their family will work out a solution which will allow the family to reconcile. For some children, that does not happen. Children then often lose day to day face to face contact with many family members. They struggle with issues of loyalty to both biological parents. Integrating a new step-parent into the family is equally challenging. Children are often put into blended situations where they and their step-siblings fight for parental allegiances and struggle to understand their own role in the new “family.” The parenting styles of the newly married couple can be contradictory and confusing. During adolescents, there is a normal and healthy testing of parental authority. When this occurs in the midst of blending families, the essential ingredients for a familial nuclear bomb are in place.
Parents, who have been through a divorce or loss of a spouse through death, are eager to have companionship and to restore a sense of peace in their lives. However, blending two families takes a great deal more than a signed marriage license. Often, children of the first marriage are just not ready or excited about having a new step-parent. If you are considering blending family nuptials, make sure your children are as ready as they can be for the new family situation. As a Christian, it is also important to remember that your president is not on a yacht in the Virgin Islands. Through prayer, utilizing Biblical principles, and Godly counsel when needed, you can develop a blended family that will eventually enjoy peace.